The Delicate Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback

Ever wondered how feedback can be likened to navigating a plane's instrument panel? Join me on this insightful episode of JD's Journal as I share my personal experiences with flight simulation and flying lessons to underscore the art of giving and receiving feedback. Just like a pilot relies on crucial instruments to stay on course, we need effective feedback mechanisms to guide our personal and professional journeys. We'll break down the emotional reactions we often face when receiving feedback and the importance of understanding its context and urgency.

Unlock the secrets of 360-degree feedback and see how it can be a game-changer for your growth. Drawing from my time at Amazon and their Forte process, I offer practical strategies for gathering a balanced mix of feedback from managers, peers, subordinates, and customers. Embrace the courage to seek critical feedback and learn tips on delivering it constructively, creating an environment of openness and mutual respect. This episode will show you how to turn feedback into a powerful tool for development.

Finally, we dive into essential techniques for effective feedback in leadership scenarios. Learn the golden rule of "praise publicly, criticize privately" and how to use the feedback sandwich model to ensure your feedback is both constructive and encouraging. Reflect on past feedback experiences and apply these insights to improve your interactions. Don't forget to visit the JD's Journal Facebook page to share your thoughts and questions. Tune in for an enriching discussion that promises to enhance your approach to feedback in all areas of your life.

Chapters

• 0:17 Navigating Feedback
• 14:10 The Value of 360-Degree Feedback
• 24:55 Effective Feedback
• 36:59 Feedback Reflection and Application

Transcript

JD: 0:17

Hi folk, and welcome to the JDs Journal podcast where, every couple of weeks, my guests and I share some of our life's journey our successes, our failures, the valuable lessons that we've learned on the way and the resources that we've gathered that have allowed us to survive, prosper and thrive. The opinions and perspectives shared on JD's Journal should be taken and applied with your own good judgment. Episodes of the podcast are largely unscripted and unedited. I'll do my best to keep things on topic, but you can expect some occasional glitches and a little meandering along the way. I hope, if nothing else, you find that entertaining. Now let's get this episode started. Hi, folks, and welcome back to the JD's Journal podcast. So great to have you here.

JD: 1:15

Today. I'm going to spend some time talking about the critically important topic of giving and receiving feedback. You know, in all aspects of life, feedback can be so incredibly valuable or not, depending. It can be a great source of growth or a trigger for negative emotions or even outright conflict. I call it an art quite deliberately, as I do believe that the best feedback is delivered artfully, with very careful consideration of the content and the intention. So the metaphor that I like to think about when I think about giving and receiving feedback is.

JD: 1:56

Well, let me tell you a story. Back in the early 2000s my wife was so fed up with watching me spend hours and hours and hours in Microsoft Flight Simulator. I was a huge simulator fan. I started playing with Microsoft Flight Simulator back in about 1983 when it first came out, and I would sit there, as I said, for hours and hours and hours. And so my wife decided she needed to get me out of the house and did the wonderful thing, gave me the gift of my first flight in an airplane and then, from that point forward, I took on flying lessons on a on a regular basis. I think I clocked up about 30 odd hours before I moved and suddenly had to stop doing it. But the thing that I took away from that was that, beyond what I could see out the window of the plane, the instruments in the plane became quite vital. Even a little Cessna 172, the ability to monitor the state of the aircraft, the condition of the motor, the conditioning environment there were all critical. Take that up a step to a larger aircraft or a commercial aircraft and that instrumentation becomes even more important to the safety of the pilot and everybody on board.

JD: 3:14

So if you think about the instrument panel of a large aircraft, the plethora of gauges and lights and other visual and audible indications of the state of the aircraft and the conditions outside, you'll see that those are the mechanisms that actually allow the pilot to stay on course, on direction, at the right speed, at the right altitude, with the right conditions in terms of the motors and other control devices on the aircraft. And not all the feedback's the same right, so not all of it has the same priority, as you can imagine. For instance, the pilot's constantly aware of the artificial horizon, so they know that the attitude of the aircraft, the nose is up or down, the plane is banking right or left, and so forth. They're also keeping an eye on the speed and the attitude obviously the altitude, sorry of the aircraft at all times. On the other hand, there are other gauges and other instruments there that they're not watching at the same kind of intensity. You know they're not checking fuel every 30 seconds, they're not looking at the engine temperature every 30 seconds or the oil pressure and they're certainly not checking the status of the landing gear all the time. Those things become important during certain periods of flight, but they are less important when you're sitting at cruising altitude and cruising along the same way.

JD: 4:37

Imagine, if you will, for a moment, hopping onto a commercial aircraft where they didn't have instrument panel. Certainly I wouldn't do that Not a chance in the world. So, similarly, now that I've rambled on about a metaphor, similarly we navigate through the journeys of our lives and our careers and we need to have mechanisms for receiving and giving feedback. Just like the aircraft instrument panel, the feedback will take many different forms and some feedback is going to be more critical than other feedback, more time sensitive than other feedback. Now, without feedback, we might be heading in the wrong direction or the wrong trajectory. That's going to lead to a negative outcome and, just like the pilot, we need to know how to receive and interpret the feedback and apply it to ensure that we stay on the right path.

JD: 5:29

So, reflecting for a moment when somebody does give you critical feedback, how do you feel about that and how do you react? Are you receptive and appreciative or do you feel threatened and compelled to defend yourself? Feel threatened and compelled to defend yourself? Well, in reality, it probably depends on who's giving you feedback and how you're feeling in terms of your own confidence at that time when the feedback is given. So our state of mind, in fact, can have a very dramatic impact on how ready we are and how receptive we are to feedback, as does the way, of course, that the feedback is being provided to you.

JD: 6:09

So let's just test this for a sec. Let's say that your manager sends you a message and it says hey, I need to speak to you today. I've got some feedback for you. How do you react to that? What's your immediate emotional reaction to that message? Are you excited that your boss has good news for you, or do you immediately wonder what you've done wrong? Well, your assumption good or bad is going to have an immediate impact on your mindset, your physiology and, would you believe, even your cognitive capabilities. So let's assume that you would immediately jump to the conclusion that your boss has negative feedback for you. Well, you're going to immediately, instinctually, adopt what we call an away or a defensive state.

JD: 6:58

This goes right back to the origins of our thought processes as cavemen, if you think. It's the flight or fight response that we all have built into us, which are triggered to actually protect us from harm. So, with the perception of threat, your body will start pumping adrenaline into your bloodstream, your heartbeat's going to increase, you probably feel some anxiety and, in fact, your cognitive capabilities will degrade. You see, we're designed to increase our energy, ready to go to battle or to take flight, but in order to maximize this, our nervous systems will also narrow our ability to think about anything beyond those two choices. All I want to think about is how do I defend myself or how do I get out of harm's way? I want to think about is how do I defend myself or how do I get out of harm's way, and so quickly? You know we're going to move into that flight or fight model and we won't be thinking creatively or we won't be imagining broader opportunities that are available to us.

JD: 7:58

So, on the other hand, if you assume that your manager has good news for you, the opposite reaction is true. You assume that your manager has good news for you. The opposite reaction is true. You will adopt a towards or receptive state Hormones, positive hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, those kind of feel-good hormones will be released in your bloodstream, your heartbeat will slow, or at least it'll stay stable and and mentally, you'll maintain your creative and collaborative cognitive capabilities. So hopefully you can relate to these different responses, and perhaps you can think of others where this situation's been true for you.

JD: 8:38

If you're in the role of a feedback provider, you also would be wise to remember that the recipient of your feedback is probably having one of these reactions as well, and you might want to think hard about how you can help them to be positively prepared for your feedback. That's really the only way that they're going to receive that feedback in a way that's constructive, and we'll talk more about that shortly. Your assumption of positive or negative feedback from your manager is probably informed by past experiences, that is to say, whether your manager has had a habit of giving positive feedback, or if they typically reach out only when they're unhappy about something. If the opportunity is made, this might be something you want to give them positive or negative feedback about. You know, if you've got a manager who habitually gives you good feedback, acknowledge that. Let them know that you appreciate that. On the other hand, if you feel like you've got a manager who only gives you negative feedback, well gosh, I think there's a really good conversation to be had with them as well. This same towards or away responses are likely to trigger when a workmate or a friend says, hey, can I give you some feedback? In reality, they may have worked up the courage to give you what they believe is the gift of authentic feedback, or their intentions might be less noble. As with your manager, you're probably going to react to that statement from your colleague based on the history of your engagement with them or your own confidence in yourself at the time, and I can share a personal experience.

JD: 10:16

Six months after I joined Amazon, the HR business partner that I was working with led a feedback mechanism with my direct reports. This was an opportunity for her to lead a discussion with all of the managers who reported to me to solicit their feedback on how I was settling into the new role working with the organization, what I was doing well and what they wanted me to do more of, and what I wasn't doing so well and what they wanted me to stop doing or certainly to do less of. I can tell you that when I was approached about this assimilation discussion that was going to happen without me in the room, I outwardly was quite supportive of the whole thing and in reality I think I quite supportive of the whole thing and in reality I think I was supportive of the whole thing. But I can also tell you that, you know, going back to our conversation on imposter syndrome, I really wasn't sure what to expect and I was a little bit apprehensive about what sort of feedback I would receive. In reality, the feedback was mostly positive, but there was definitely some critical feedback there about the way that I was leading the organization. You know, things like I was being too aggressive in the changes I wanted to put in place very quickly and the expectations I had on the leadership team Really interesting, right.

JD: 11:38

And I can tell you that my initial response to that feedback was a defensive one. I took the feedback, which was anonymized and provided to me by the HR representative, and I sat on it, as I always do and as many of us do. I gravitated all the way onto the negative feedback and almost dismissed the positive feedback and then started working on, you know, writing up and drafting how I was going to respond to every little bit of negative feedback that was provided. In reality, that HR business partner, emma, did a tremendous job of actually stopping me before I did that and really coached me in terms of the feedback you've got. One is a beautifully rounded set of feedback, but two, even the critical feedback was valuable feedback that I just should embrace and I should take on board and appreciate, and ultimately, that's what I did, and certainly I changed some aspects of how I was leading that team because of that feedback, and I can tell you that was back in 2017, so quite a long time ago. I still go back to that feedback from time to time, even though I've changed roles and I've got a completely different team that I'm leading.

JD: 12:49

As I thought back, as I think back about the feedback that I was given there, it did highlight some natural behaviors in me that I have quite consistently built into me some good, some bad and I'm always going back and kind of checking in with that feedback because it's valuable for me to check Am I making those same mistakes again? Am I still occasionally getting into that situation where I'm not communicating as clearly as I should, I'm being too aggressive in terms of my goals and so forth? And so it turned into feedback that has been valuable for me well in the future of when it was initially provided. So we go back to the flying a plane metaphor. The feedback that I received back then allowed me to course correct, allowed me to tweak my behavior not radically, but tweak my behavior to improve the way that I was providing leadership for the team there, and allowed me to avoid what might have been a catastrophic outcome in the future as a leader. Had I not been aware of the fact that the way that I was communicating or the way that I was leading was putting my team off guard or making them feel uncomfortable, then I wouldn't have had that opportunity to course correct and it might have turned into a much worse situation than it was at the time.

JD: 14:10

So, similarly, many companies provide 360-degree feedback mechanisms. This is where you receive feedback from your manager, from your peers, your stakeholders, your customers, your subordinates and so forth. Within Amazon, we have a process called Forte which we run every six months, and that part of that process includes a 360 degree feedback mechanism. But all the large companies I've worked for have had these mechanisms. My guidance is if you have an opportunity, if you've got the facility that you can leverage to get 360 feedback, just take it. It's incredibly valuable to do that and this feedback because it's 360 degree, because it's coming from all around you and the people that you engage with in different contexts, and, as that's aggregated, that does provide you with insights about yourself that are incredibly valuable, and I can tell you that I've still got copies of 360 Feedback that dates back 20-odd years or longer that I still go back to every now and then to look at, and some of the things have changed. I've matured and I've changed as a leader in some certain ways, but some of the fundamental things haven't changed a lot in terms of what my natural behaviors are, and so, again, as I just talked about, it's a valuable thing to go back and just do a level set in terms of of what's going on.

JD: 15:34

A caution with 360 feedback is that it can be a tendency to choose the people that you've got close relationships with to give you that feedback and maybe even consciously or unconsciously to avoid those people who you think might give negative feedback. But I would highly recommend that when you do that process, you choose a good mix of people that you that you feel are going to give you positive and people who are going to give you critical feedback, so that you get a balanced view and you can really get true value out of that. Be vulnerable, be courageous to have people give you feedback that is going to help you grow. That's not just going to be reinforcing that you're a good person, but it's going to help you understand those areas where you can be better at what you do. So take I mean I'd suggest you take a moment to think about a time when you received feedback that you felt was delivered in a way that was highly effective.

JD: 16:29

You know, what was it about the way that that feedback was provided that made you feel like it was so effective? Was it the content as it was given to you? Like the content as it was given to you? Was it because they provided real world scenarios that help you understand? You know, was it because they provided data or what was it? Just think about for a moment when you can identify a scenario where somebody said, hey, I've got feedback for you, and when they'd finished, you felt, hey, that was pretty good, that was super useful.

JD: 17:06

Think about what it was about that and you want to kind of take that away with you in terms of how you would like to give feedback to other folks. Similarly, you can flip that on its head and think about when did you receive feedback that you felt wasn't useful or didn't really feel like the intention was a positive one, and there definitely will be times when you'll get feedback that's not intended to be positive, or when it's just not positive or useful. Think about why was that the case. What was it about the way the feedback was provided to you that wasn't particularly constructive? Was it that it was ambiguous about the way the feedback was provided to you that wasn't particularly constructive? Was it that it was ambiguous? Was it that it was demeaning? Was it you know some other aspect of it? And again, think about then, when you're providing feedback to others, how you know, how would you take your experience as being the recipient of that feedback?

JD: 18:03

And then think about how you deliver feedback in a way that's going to be well received. As we talked about earlier in the podcast, if I feel threatened, if I feel like somebody wants to give me feedback that's going to harm me or make me feel uncomfortable, my first reaction is to either protect myself, defend myself or to flee, and the one thing I can assure you is that when a person is in that mode, they're not really listening and they're not really embracing the feedback or engaging with the feedback that's being provided. You really want to create an environment where where folks even for negative feedback, but it's delivered in such a way that the recipient is open and appreciative and respectful of feedback. So let's talk about that a bit. So how can we deliver good feedback in a way that is going to be receptive? And here's some, some guiding principles that I have when it comes to delivering feedback.

JD: 19:06

So the first one is I think it's a really good idea to ask for permission. You know, and I mean authentically. The question is hey, can I give you some constructive feedback? And if the answer that you get in response to that is no, then don't give it. I mean the reality is that if the answer is no, don't give it. I mean the reality is that if, if the answer is no, if somebody says I don't want your feedback, then even if you deliver it, it's not going to be heard, it's just not going to give the value, and it might be that it's just not the right time to give feedback. They may not be in the right state of mind, they may not respect you, and I think that's a bigger problem if that's the case, if they don't want feedback because they don't trust or respect you, but it just might not be the right environment for you to give feedback. And my recommendation is if they say no, then don't, but hopefully, when you ask whether you can give them feedback in the right time and in the right way, they will be receptive, first of all, to that feedback.

JD: 20:01

The next principle is to be honest and direct. You know, and we like to pad our feedback in such a way that it's not harmful, and I think that that's done with the best of intentions. But it's important to be honest, to have integrity and be direct about the feedback providing you're providing and to be as specific as you can be, and I've got a couple of structures here that we'll talk about with regard to that. Be timely is the next principle. That's important. It's no good coming up to me six months after something happened and telling me that you know what I did wasn't great or what I said was bad or whatever approach. It's going to be so much more valuable if you give me feedback like soon after the event, so it's installing my consciousness and so it's still relevant. So think about the timeliness of the feedback. Now you know, timeliness is also important in terms of the environment. If somebody's dealing with a massive catastrophe or a massive crisis, that's probably not a good time to give them feedback on how they're communicated or whatever. So be conscious of that, of course, but don't wait six months, don't wait 12 months to give somebody feedback. Frankly, that's ancient history.

JD: 21:15

Think about the intention of the feedback and deliver any feedback that you do with positive intention. Think about what feedback can I provide and how can I provide that feedback where it's going to benefit the person receiving the feedback. If you're just giving feedback for the sake of criticizing somebody, once again don't do it. That's just scoring points or that's just getting revenge or whatever it happens to be, but it's just not a valuable exercise. Think about your intentions there and make that case. Provide tangible examples wherever you can you know. So if you're saying to somebody hey, you know you talk too quickly or you talk in such a way that's not easy to understand, or if you're telling somebody that their tone is aggressive or what happens to be, do it in such a way that you can talk about a couple of examples of when you've seen that. Make it as specific as you can practically make it. Help make it relatable to them.

JD: 22:16

There's a model that goes really well with this. It's called the SBI model or the Situation, behavior and Impact model and I love this model. It's a very, very simple one, easy to remember. And I love this model. And it's a very, very simple one, easy to remember and easy to use. And it's like this you talk about the situation first of all, and then you talk about their behavior, if it's relevant to behavior, or their active actions. If it's relevant to their actions, then you talk about the impact. So, for example, you could say something like hey, you know when we're in the project meeting and you say that somebody is lazy, the impact is that it erodes the trust of that person or respect for that person. So that would be SBI. Or you could say hey, you know when you're writing these emails and you don't include the details for the decision to be made. The impact is that it makes it difficult for people to understand what you're looking for. So, again, very simple, practical model Think about the situation, call out the behavior whatever that behavior happens to be or the actions, and then talk about the impact. I'll include a link in the notes for this podcast that kind of talks more about that.

JD: 23:36

The other model that I really like when it comes to communications in general, but I think is very applicable for giving feedback is the think model general, but I think is very applicable for giving feedback is the think model. And the think model is is it truthful, is it helpful, is it inspiring, is it necessary and is it kind? Again, I'll include this in the notes, but it's a really good set of questions to ask yourself. Before you decide to give somebody feedback, just think about it. Is the feedback truthful? Am I talking about something that is real and valid and not assumed or inferred? But is it actually true? Is the feedback I'm going to provide going to be helpful for the person I'm giving feedback to? Is the way I'm going to give that feedback going to inspire that person to want to hear more, to make a change or to take action for the positive? Is it necessary? Is there a positive intent or a positive need to provide this feedback? And finally, is it kind? Is the person who's going to receive that feedback going to receive that feedback in such a way, or you're going to deliver that feedback in such a way that respects them as a human? That actually is going to leave them walking away from you feeling like you've given them something positive.

JD: 24:55

A golden rule, I think, applies to feedback, particularly for leaders, for people leaders is praise publicly, criticize privately. You know it's, and I see this done poorly in some organizations. I've definitely experienced I'm sure you have as well a situation where somebody has a tendency to call people out in front of other people. That is not a kind or an appropriate way to provide critical feedback. So it's certainly appropriate in most contexts to issue praise in a public way, to recognize people in front of other people and call them out for what they do. Sometimes you'll be careful with that. Some people get very uncomfortable about public recognition. But on the whole it's appropriate generally in a public environment to recognize that somebody's done something great or that they're very good at something or whatever. But if you're going to criticize somebody or provide critical feedback, that's done something great or that they're very good at something or whatever. But if you're going to criticize somebody or provide critical feedback, that's done privately, that's done in a one-in-one environment or it's done separately from a crowd of people. So think about that.

JD: 25:55

Another model that I hear a lot and I do see in action quite a lot is the feedback sandwich. Some people love it, some people hate it. But the notion behind the feedback sandwich Some people love it, some people hate it, but the notion behind the feedback sandwich is you start with something good, some positive reinforcement, you then give critical feedback and then you close out with words of encouragement or support. So the example would be hey, I love the way that you stepped up and talked about X, y, z in that meeting was really good. Hey, some feedback I would give you, though, is that I would have presented the numbers differently, or or or the it wasn't clear, or whatever, but. And then the close on encouragement. But you know, I know you can do this and I think you've grown a lot, or you're growing a lot, and I think we can do something to help you out. Maybe I can mentor you, or maybe I can give you somebody else to mentor you. So, opening with recognition of something, give you somebody else to mentor you. So, opening with recognition of something, um, then provide the feedback, uh, and then words of encouragement.

JD: 26:50

I see this a lot on um, on talent shows, to be honest with you and it's probably not the greatest metaphor, but you'll often see the talent show. If somebody's not performed spectacularly maybe they were off, they were flat, or whatever you'll often see people the judge or the feedback provider will open up with hey look, I love the way you stood on stage or those shoes you're wearing are spectacular, or something like that. But then they'll follow that up with hey, you know your vocals were off pitch or whatever it's here. But I think you've got the potential and I think if you work at this, you can be be better, and so that's the kind of notion of a feedback sandwich. So let's flip the coin on this and talk about you know what are the rules or what are the guidelines for graciously receiving feedback, and we should be graciously receiving feedback. And here what I think is important is this First of all, be open, be open to feedback, be receptive and really listen.

JD: 27:46

And being open comes down to a number of things the tone when somebody says, can I give you some feedback? Like respond in a way that is inviting and receptive and appreciative for that. Your body language, you know. If you cross your arms in front of you or you, you know you close up or step back or whatever, you're sending a message that says, well, I don't want your feedback. But if you are open physically and receptive physically to the feedback, then you're sending a clear message that yep, I'm ready, I'm in a good state to do that, and then attention like be focused on the words, be focused on what's being provided as feedback. You know, don't be sitting there reading mail on your phone or or doing other things. Like if somebody's taken the time and worked up the courage to give you some feedback, then then be responsive to that in every way to send the message back to them that you really appreciate that.

JD: 28:43

The next thing is don't Don't defend or deflect. You know, I often see people the minute the feedback starts, they're coming up with reasons why you know, or they're cutting a person off and saying, hey, but but I mean, maybe there's a time for that, maybe you do want to ultimately respond with some context or some background that does defend your position, but certainly initially just be receptive and avoid being defensive or providing excuses. It's always good to exercise curiosity. You know I think that you'll hear me use the term curiosity a lot in many contexts. I think it's incredibly powerful. But it's particularly interesting, I think, when someone's giving you feedback. You know, and I think you know, if somebody is saying hey.

JD: 29:29

I don't know, for instance, that you know and I think you know if somebody is saying, hey, I don't know, for instance, that you know you can be quite aggressive at times, or maybe you can be, you know, somewhat daunting for people to work with, or you can you can lack detail, or whatever it happens to be like take a step back and think curiously about well, that's really interesting, what, what would cause someone to see me that way? What would why would they think those things about me, as opposed to to telling yourself that can't possibly be true. Be really curious and I you know, I talked before about the, the feedback that I got just after I joined Amazon and and there was definitely an element of no, no, no, that can't possibly be me. I definitely wouldn't do that. But as I kind of let that defensiveness kind of wash away and I took the time to step back, it was an opportunity for me to go wow, what was the situation when that was the case and is it possible that I came across that way? I didn't think I came across that way, but clearly somebody did believe that I did. So now I was really curious about what was the words I used or what was the tonality of what I was saying that made a person feel like I was coming across that way.

JD: 30:44

So, kind of following on from that, you know, I think it's a tremendous opportunity to use active listening. And so active listening for those of you that aren't aware first of all, providing the visual and audible acknowledgements of what's being said, so nodding your head, acknowledging in terms of yep, okay, and just kind of taking that in. But I think the most powerful part of active listening is paraphrasing and questioning. So, again, you know, if somebody says you're working too hurriedly or you're, you know, moving too quickly, the opportunities to say okay, so what you're telling me is that folks are seeing that I'm not taking the time to understand or not taking the time to work on the detail. Is that what you're telling me?

JD: 31:31

You know, and just querying and questioning and digging into the feedback that's being provided can give you that clarity, because it's easy to misinterpret feedback, and so paraphrasing and questioning is a chance to make sure that you've interpreted what's being said to you accurately, and it's an opportunity for the person giving you feedback to confirm that, yes, you've either understood it or no. Actually that wasn't what I meant. Hit me, clarify what I meant so you come away from that conversation really understanding what the feedback was. And again, it is an opportunity, if you haven't gotten it, to ask for examples. I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do, if somebody is giving you feedback about your behavior and action or activity, for you to say, hey, look, uh, I think I know what you're saying, but can you give me some examples of that? Or can you help me kind of unwrap that to understand specifically what it looked like and so forth.

JD: 32:26

And the final bit of feedback I would give you on receiving feedback is to say thank you and to really mean it, to really appreciate the fact feedback. I'm going to put myself out there and I'm going to have that uncomfortable conversation with them about their competency or their communications or or whatever their behavior, whatever happens to be. I'm going to give them that feedback and so it. It really, um, it really is a time for you to to show appreciation for the fact that they did that. If you don't, the risk is they will not give you feedback again, is that they won't get that sense that you are receptive to feedback. So instead they'll just talk about you behind your back, which is not particularly productive or useful in any way, shape or fashion. So you really want to create that situation where folks do feel appreciated for giving you feedback. So sometimes I can tell you you know that sometimes it feels like hard work to get feedback.

JD: 33:43

Maybe you've experienced this, but you know I certainly have experienced many occasions where I've asked my manager or the folks who work for me or my peers how am I doing, Like, what's your feedback on me, what can I do better? And so forth. And often the answer that you get is oh, you're great, you're doing good. Oh yeah, no, you're fine, you're okay. Gosh, that's just the worst feedback. I mean, you can't act on that. It's just not useful at all. And I'm really challenged with feedback providers. When I'm in that situation, a typical response from me is yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, that's great, but now tell me what I could do differently tomorrow. That's going to make me a better leader or better at this, and so forth. And so I do think at times you need to not mechanically, but try to include in in my one-on-ones, both with my manager and the folks who report to me.

JD: 34:39

And those four questions are what should I do more of? You know? What am I doing today that you should? You think I should be doing more often, or or doing, you know again, doing more of. Similarly, the question I ask is what should I do less of? So what am I doing today that I should slow down, do less frequently, do less intensely, or what happens to be so what should I do more of? What should I do less of? That's kind of fine-t. You know my behaviors or my actions as a leader or a worker.

JD: 35:16

The third question is what am I not doing today that I should start doing and that you know? Hopefully that uncovers some things that folks feel are missing, and it might be that, you know, perhaps I'm not communicating the right way, or perhaps I'm not providing the support that folks need, or perhaps I'm not, you know, documenting things the right way or whatever it is to be. But you know, what should I start doing that I'm not doing today? And, equally, what am I doing today that I should stop completely? Like, is there something that I'm doing as a person, as a leader, as a husband, as a father or whatever it is to be that I should just stop doing completely?

JD: 35:54

Those four questions I typically have written out on a post-it note somewhere near my desk and they're just great reminders for me and, as I said, I try not to use them mechanically. I don't want to be too predictable as a human, as a human, but they're like a little prompt for me to kind of check in with folks in terms of trying to solicit constructive feedback. And again, if I get feedback, I make a point of being appreciative of that feedback, I make a point of saying thank you and certainly, if it's something where I think I can provide them feedback later on, it's not unusual for me to go back to people and say, hey, I took your advice and I'm doing this a different way, or I'm trying a different approach, let me know if you see a difference. And that's, to me, is the penultimate. If somebody says, hey, I want to give you some feedback, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and if I take that feedback and I apply that feedback, then it's kind of cool to go back a few months later or six months later or whatever, and check in and say, hey, I changed the way that I did that. Did you see a difference? Did it make an impact?

JD: 36:59

Anyway, that's my little podcast today on giving and receiving feedback. I think it's such an incredibly important topic. We'll probably touch on it in future podcasts as well. I think you'll probably hear guests raising it from time to time as well. But do take some time. As I said before, think about those times when you receive feedback in the way that you felt was particularly productive or constructive, and think about those times when that was the opposite, when you didn't think it was constructive at all, and try to apply your own experience, the way that you give and receive feedback. All right, folks. Well, thank you so much. This is the end of this podcast. I'll have the notes up on the site shortly. Certainly, if you want to go to the JD's Journal Facebook page if you've got questions, feedback on this or any of the other episodes, that'd be great. Looking forward to your feedback and we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Thank you.